PERRY: Think ahead, America: A peek at 4 unseemly presidential cabinets (including Cher)


Americans aren’t stupid: This is a country that invented the microwave oven. It’s just that Americans don’t think ahead: This is a country that also invented the Hungry Man microwavable fried burrito dinner with beans. “One Pound of Food!”

“Aren’t you coming to bed, honey?”

So it’s little wonder that this is a country shocked about things like lawn darts injuring thousands of people and killing a few along the way to finally being banned.

Which brings us to Donald Trump. Sure, what seems like a good idea to some people should have all the red alerts, flags and sirens wailing by now.  A narcissistic, bigoted billionaire demagogue who not only flirts with fascism, but sloppily makes out with, on camera, in front of the entire world. What could go wrong?

So here’s a short list of things to ponder about Mein Trump and a few other assorted presidential contenders. Think it through, America.

President Donald Trump

Vice-president Dennis Rodman

1. Secretary of State Sarah Palin

2. Transportation Secretary Chris Christie

3. Attorney General David Duke

4. Secretary of Defense Ted Nugent

5. Health and Human Services Secretary Ann Coulter

6. White House press secretary Dr. Ben Carson

7. and 8. FBI and NSA directors Boris and Natasha.

9. FDA chief Martin Skreli

10. Treasury Secretary Bernard Madoff, after a quiet pardon

Supreme Court nominee Rush Limbaugh

Campaign theme song: “How Much Is That Doggy In the Window” (Only artist that would allow Trump to appropriate any original works)

President Bernie Sanders

Vice-president Barbara Streisand

1. Secretary of State Jerry Greenfield, founder of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream

2. Department of Health and Human Services Patch Adams, founder of Gesundheit! Institute

3. Secretary of Defense Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, member of Pussy Riot

4. Secretary of Transportation Rosanne Barr

5. Attorney General Lil B

6. Department of Education/indoctrination Secretary Nicolas Maduro, 65th President of Venezuela

7. Treasury Secretary (Rotating Interns)

8. Homeland Security Secretary Shayetet 13

Supreme Court nominee Cher

Campaign theme song: “War Pigs” by Black Sabbath

President Ted Cruz

Vice-president (vacant until someone accepts)

1. Secretary of State Justin Bieber

2. Agriculture Secretary Rev. Tony Perkins

3. Defense Secretary Rev. James Dobson

4. Homeland Security Secretary Glenn Beck

5. Attorney General Kim Davis

6. Health and Human Services Secretary Rev. Mike Bickle, who says gay marriage is “rooted in the depths of Hell” and Oprah is a “harlot” and “harbinger of the apocalypse.”

7. Veterans Affairs Secretary Caitlyn Jenner

8. Education Secretary Tim Tebow

9. Housing and Urban Development Secretary Heidi Nelson (Cruz’s wife)

10. Treasury Secretary Rafael Cruz (Cruz’s father)

Supreme Court nominee Justice Samuel Alito (arguing he can have two votes)

Campaign theme song: “You’re Having My Baby”

President Hillary Clinton

Vice-President Hillary Clinton

1. Secretary of State Goldman Sachs

2. Secretary of Defense Morgan Stanley

3. Treasury Secretary JP Morgan Chase

4. Homeland Secretary Deutches Bank

5. Attorney General Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom LLC

6. Defense Secretary Northrop Grumman

7. Interior Secretary China

8. New Department of Technology Secretary Platte River Networks

9. FBI Director Vacant

Supreme Court nominee Debbie Wasserman Schultz

Campaign theme song: “Never Gonna Give You Up”

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