QUIDNUNC: Metro Denver should just go ahead and lose its light-rail train of thought

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Quidnunc, whose name comes from the Latin  “what now,” is out and about as often as possible  to bring you news overheard in elevators, rest rooms and spied  in various e-mail boxes.

QUID HAS HEARD  that this metro light-rail thing has gotten way off track. Seems that after just a few years of poking fun at RTD for creating a bazillion-dollar train line from Downtown Denver to DIA that rarely makes it through a day without a delay, or breaking down, forcing passengers to take the bus to the plane station, or naming the thing the University of Colorado Medical Palooza at Anschutz Maybe in Aurora A-Line, that the truth behind the haunted train isn’t funny.  The feds, apparently, have had it with human train-crossing-malfunctioning-gate-arm shenanigans. They’re threatening to shut down what should have been dubbed the F-Line because the crossing crapola is crapola. Nabobs in this little burg and other burger stands across the metro area are fretting over what a shut down would mean to all the fabulous developments that have sprung up around the new light-rail stations, simply because over-educated, over-paid and over-the-top millennials demand to live next to a light rail station. Not to worry, yours truly cautions. In case you haven’t noticed, there may well be herds of wealthy millennials choosing transit-oriented apartments and condos when they arrive in Denver, but few actually ride the damned train, and never the bus. They drive Audis, Beemers and slate-colored Range Rovers — to work, to yoga class, to Whole Foods, to the mailbox at the end of the apartment complex. What city hand-wringers don’t know is that it’s true that there must be a light rail station and a light-rail community in order to snag wealthy millennials and keep them well. But they don’t actually even know or care about the train. Since nobody rides the thing out here in Aurora anyway, just get rid of it. Keep the tracks and the light-rail stations. Fill them up with Starbucks and tuna poke parlors, but just don’t tell them the train won’t run anymore. If too many become suspicious and start talking about Portland or NYC, make the buses look like Subaru cable cars.

AND THAT’S ALL THE NEWS THAT FITS