Face it, America. The NRA has won the war against gun violence.
By waging a well-funded battle of propaganda appealing to the distracted or the downright dumb, the NRA has been able to extort the votes and sentiment it needs to keep Congress and state legislatures from enacting any meaningful gun-safety laws.
The cost of the NRA demand to proliferate the nation with limitless guns and military weaponry is exacted in tens of thousands of shooting victims each year. More publicly, that price is paid by hundreds of shooting victims in schools, churches, theaters and concerts.
The NRA and its comrades have beaten us, despite the fact that Americans overwhelmingly demand sensible gun-safety laws. When it comes down to it, as a nation, we’re happy enough that thoughts and prayers are offered up by the likes of President Donald Trump, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott and Colorado Sen. Cory Gardner.
If that weren’t true, they’d be gone, and so, too, would be the limitless power of the NRA and its powerful elected allies.
But all is not lost.
While it’s clear that Americans may ache for the millions of American children increasingly, and rightfully, afraid to go to school and be shot to death, the pain recedes quickly. Even though the rate of school mass-shootings seems to be increasing, the pain America feels for these kids is nearly gone when the next shooting resurrects what is now just a dull throb.
So let’s capitulate to the NRA, Gardner, Mitch McConnell, convicted criminal Oliver North and the rest of Club 2A. Let the guns and ammo flow across this great nation into the hands of every hillbilly, liberal, vigilante, redneck, cop, mental patient and heroine in the country.
Just protect the kids at school.
How? This is easier than you think. The NRA is right on here. Harden the schools.
There are about 98,817 public schools. Each and every one needs be secured by having at least one metal detector, like the ones used in Congress that keep lawmakers safe from their constituents. Each school needs at least two armed security guards to get the kids in through the metal detectors daily, and guard the school from bringing America’s locked and loaded freedom into the classroom.
And each school needs trained dogs to sniff out explosives, ammo and fear.
The price of the NRA freedom that the group has imposed on the nation is $99.26 a year for each freedom fighter.
That’s right America, if you can’t beat ‘em — tax ‘em. Tax the living hell out of the NRA faithful to pay the price in dollars what they can’t muster in good sense.
If we have to protect our children from the right for anyone to bear arms any goddam place they want, then we can extract the price of that liberating right from the people who make school shootings as American as apple pie.
Metal detectors cost about $4,000 each. Given that some schools need just one and others three or four, we need $790,536,000 worth.
Armed guards cost about $25 an hour. We need them for 180 school days a year. Every school needs at least two. Urban schools that already host local school resource officer cops get extra protection. The guards will cost the country $7,114,824,000 a year.
Security dogs will be an important addition here, patrolling the halls regularly, able to sprint to the first sound of gunfire inside or outside the buildings. They can sniff out guns, bombs, and even overly sweaty kids. They cost about $15,000 each, running the country about $2,964,510,000.
The schools themselves are just magnets for sharpshooters. So many windows and easily shot-off doors. Each school in the nation must be allotted $500,000 to put steel plates over windows and install lead doors. That will cost the country $49,000,000.
The grand total, for now, is $10,918,870,000.
That, my friends, is the price of freedom in this country.
Experts estimate there are about 115 million people in the nation enjoying that freedom and not paying for it.
So we can do this two ways. If you want one gun or 3,932 of them, whether they’re pearl-handled pea-shooters or Testosterone 2,000 shell launchers, you get a tax receipt for $99.26, after you pay it.
With the NRA running the show in Congress, the chances are good you’ll be able to take it off your federal taxes.
Or, since the average gun-owner has three guns, we could tax your freedom by the piece, about $33 per trigger.
This is just the beginning, however. No sooner will we make it safe to go to school every day — although its very similar to being in prison — then shootings will most likely increase at malls, dance clubs, concert halls and bingo parlors.
Why should the majority of Americans who demand common sense gun-safety laws and who choose not to even own a gun at all, have to pay the price of limitless freedom of ammophiles at the mall?
It’s going to cost a lot to protect the country’s 384,000 churches.
We can probably raise the money to protect those, and the country’s malls by taxing the 12 billion rounds of ammunition sold in this country each year.
Just a penny a round will raise $120 million a year to set up TSA-style entry points.
As to the country’s nightclubs, Walmarts and golf courses. We’ll have to go back and look at taxes on shooting ranges, gun clubs and probably a surcharge on mass-shooters’ weapons of choice. AR-15s, bump stocks and semi-automatic weapons with a Viagra factor of three or more will run consumers another few hundred dollars or so to enjoy the cool-caliber price of freedom.
Think about it, would you prefer to shop safely at a Costco that pats everyone down and makes everyone check their gun at the door? Or worry that the sweaty dude in the frozen foods section with a big bump in his butt is going to lose it before he picks his Swanson dinner?
I’m good with gun-free, but it’s not fair that I have to pay higher prices for freedom from other people’s freedom.
Tax ‘em. And when America gets tired of paying the monetary price the rest of us now pay in lost children, worry and terror, let’s talk gun-safety laws. Those are free.
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